Great pay, great benefits, an outstanding pension, and that’s not all. You’ll also get a furnished and rent-free office, and you get to choose and hire anyone you want to work for you. And it won’t cost you a dime. Wait there’s more. You’ll also receive an $80 per diem allowance for when your actually working, plus mileage reimbursement to and from the job. And now the best news yet. You don’t have to have any real skills, you don’t need to worry about actually accomplishing anything, and 65% of our employees will stay on the job regardless of whether or not they accomplish anything. Sound too good to be true? Well, it’s not. It’s a job as an Illinois State Senator or State Representative. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. Mad as Hell? You should be. If interested in this well paying, do nothing job call or send your resume to Speaker Mike Madigan, Minority Leader Jim Durkin, President John Cullerton or Minority Leader Bill Brady.
Disclaimer: this job does not entail rocking the boat, but you need to be skilled at doing what you’re told, acting like you care, and staying awake during votes. Also you must be able to push a yes (green) or no (red) vote button when called upon, but only after being instructed what to do. We are an unequal opportunity employer.